Dear Husband, Please Remember These Things
Our lives have changed drastically over the last 8 months from maternity health concerns, to delivery complications, to baby and toddler health issues, to changing jobs and working from home, and trying to find balance while our parenting roles have shifted. I’m sure there are many new mamas out there that have tried to do it all and never asked their partners for help. That was me during the first two kids. It’s my own fault that I’ve basically trained my dear husband to do his own thing. He thinks that taking care of a baby is an easy thing. He’s told me that. It’s just unreal to me to never have a second of time to myself.
Shifting Roles and Responsibilities
I went from working 70 hrs a week, cooking dinner and doing laundry to trying to work from home with a 6-month old that doesn’t sleep well and a toddler while trying to deep clean and declutter an entire house while also running the day-to-day stuff. I’m sure this is how many Moms feel. Travis went from taking care of the kids all day and trying to do a little housework in between to working to pursue a career change from home (upstairs) all day long. When I talk about all day long, he is literally gone all day upstairs. I crave human interaction and a little bit of time for me. I barely have time to work to provide for the family and I’m staying up until 5am every night just to get some things done. It has been hard. Super hard. We both want the same things, but I have such a hard time asking for help. I just wish my dear husband could read my mind.
Recently, it’s been breaking my heart to not get one-on-one time with my girls. My little 2yr old is growing up so fast. I’m hoping that my son starts getting more interested in his toys and less interested in Mama (just a little bit!), so I can get more time with her (laundry and dishes willing!)
I wrote this because I need to put my thoughts and feelings out of my mind and onto paper. It felt like something that other Moms could absolutely relate to, so I thought I should share it! When it comes down to it, I wish my hubs would help with the baby, the dishes, the chores, the food, the doctor appointments, help me get time to take care of myself, etc. Then again, all Mamas probably say and want the same things as I do right!?
It’s been a long time since I’ve asked for anything. I know I don’t ask for the help I need, so maybe you can just try to remember some of the following for me.
Remember that I don’t get to go swimming or feel the weight of our two year old in my arms as she floats in the water because I’m sitting poolside holding a bouncing baby who isn’t ready for the pool while you twirl that lovely girl around in the pool.
Remember that I’m sitting a yard away in a pavilion watching you play with our three girls while I rock our restless 6 month old and shield him from the sun.
Remember that I walk up and down the halls for hours on end trying to get our son to sleep while you snuggle our two year old who sleeps soundly.
Remember that I’m sometimes too tired to entertain our kids every day because I’m up feeding a growing baby all night long when you are complaining about them bothering you.
Remember that I haven’t showered in 3 days and I have to desperately beg for time while you can just walk up the stairs and take a shower without needing permission or figuring out who will watch the kids.
Oh Dear Husband,
Remember that I get to brush my teeth only when I get our son into a deep enough sleep to sneak out of the room while you brush your teeth and go to bed sometimes several hours before I even hit a pillow.
Remember that there are dishes to do and meals to cook that often get done with a screaming baby or toddler under foot while you busy yourself with some form of entertainment.
Remember that I, too, would like time away from the kids to take care of my self and exercise while you go run or play golf.
Remember that I have spent my whole day talking to children under 10 before you pick up your phone to browse the internet aimlessly while sitting in the family room.
Remember that I’m passionate about my future and need some time to chase my dreams and earn a living while you get ample time to chase your dreams.
Remember that I’m lonely. I’m in need of a friend. That I miss being a person that was more than a milk maid. Remember this while you walk by me without saying a word.
Remember that I feel like I’m failing when I don’t accomplish anything during the day or the kids are going crazy before you start thinking that I’m lazy.
Remember that I’m working so hard for our family to provide and nurture.
Remember that we are in this together and that I am still here too.
Remember to hold your children (yes, even when they are fussy) and to give me the time to be the woman that you love instead of an empty machine of a mommy.
Remember that I have to spend much of this time in our lives on the sidelines watching my family (or most of it) have fun and do things that I’ve planned for us even when I can’t participate.
Remember that I need to have a relationship with all of my children and not just the youngest one.
Remember that I know that you are just trying to be a good father to our kids that aren’t getting enough time with Mom during these hard months. It’s not that I don’t want you to have any of these things. I just want to have some too.
Dear Husband, Please remember Me.
It’s therapeutic to write how I’m feeling and it was one of my reasons to start blogging. I seem to like writing letters. If you enjoyed reading “Dear Husband”, you might enjoy a few more that I’ve written:
- A Letter to My 10-Year Old Daughter
- To The Mom Next Door in the NICU
- A Letter to the Girl I Was 10 Years Ago